Silver Linings

Almost 4 years ago I lost the first man I ever loved, my father.  When I think back on the week before his passing, it replays hauntingly in my mind.  I remember standing in the hallway of the care center staring at my sisters, who were wheeling him in from being outside.  My thoughts were running wild, "This is not my life. This can't be happening.  That is not my father, this is all just a terrible dream. I'm too young for this." I would catch myself staring blankly at a wall while sitting next to him.  It was as though my life was movie, with my eyes as the projector and the wall was its screen. I remember trying to remain composed while my entire life as I knew it was changing. I would never be thing be same person I was before my dad died, in fact, I would be better because I had witnessed life.  Life as it could be lived and, more importantly, life as it had the potential to be lived. 

 Periodically, I would sit outside of the care center and gaze upon the beautiful Kentucky hills, the Ohio river, and the radiantly cascading blue sky. It was during that week that, for the first time in my life, my eyes were truly open.  Never had I ever experienced a sky so blue with clouds so iridescent.  Had it always been that way and I just never took the time to notice? Or was my inner emotional turmoil being spun outward into a positive light?  Honestly, I have no idea which one it was, but I do know the sky has never stopped looking so magnificent. As the years have passed by I have noticed that on my worst days the sky is the most beautiful.  

As I have learned throughout the years, silver linings will be hidden in every tragedy you face. You can either find it and cherish the moment or ignore it and remain bitter.  Personally, I relish in silver linings, without them I wouldn't be whom I am today, not even a fraction of the person I am. To me silver linings are God's way of saying, "I know that I'm taking something you love dearly away from you, but I'm giving you this gift in return."

Adding Iron(Fe) to the Male - Part 2

"Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am, Though I've tried
When will my
Reflection show who I am inside?"

 - Christina Aguilera "Reflection"

 

What if you looked in the mirror one morning and instead of seeing your reflection you saw someone else? What if that someone was a complete misrepresentation of your true self? How would you feel? Scared? Empty? Lost? Alone? Depressed? Now imagine looking in the mirror everyday for years and only seeing that person in your reflection.  Your true self always being hidden underneath the misrepresentation of your physical being. Imagine how tormented and tortured you would feel having to wake up every morning, look in the mirror, only to see someone you couldn't identify with staring right back at you?
Growing up, Alex, was what is considered to be a 'typical' boy; with sports and ninja turtles running his days. As a child Alex didn't feel much different than anyone else. Although his curiosity and urges towards more feminine hobbies began around the age of five.  It wasn't until he got older that he really started to feel distant and different from those around him.  He began paying more attention to the clothes his mother wore and he felt the most comfortable and related to when in the presence of women.  The older Alex became the more he was sensing a strong female presence brewing inside of him.  The constant confusion and uncertainty was pushing him to a breaking point.
It was at this time he decided to begin to seeing a gender therapist. Alex had reached a point that he knew he was transgender but hadn't come to terms with this life-altering realization. (After all, being transgender is not the most widely accepted way of life. Mainly, because people don't understand and what people don't understand they tend to avoid.) With the help of his therapist and his friends Katie slowly started to emerge from her entrapment. A tormented soul finally breaking free from its binds is a truly beautiful thing.
Finally, after all these years Alex was seeing his true reflection. No longer a misrepresentation but the truth.  Katie had arrived and she has never looked happier in her own skin.  Slowly but surely Katie is emerging from the torment she has been hiding behind. Although the inner struggle is still there Katie looks to her friends for support and a guiding hand. Due to the fact that being transgender is not a widely accepted lifestyle, Katie will continue to have struggles and fears about her true identity. However, the world is slowly becoming more open and accepting and the possibilities for Katie and her transformation are becoming more and more. 
 

Adding Iron(Fe) to the Male - Part 1

This will be my first in a series of blogs highlighting one of my very dear friends who has the iron will and strength to be who she truly is. We will spend the next several weeks discovering who Katie is and her courageous journey in transitioning from Alexander to Katie.

I would like to first cover sexual makeup and the many misconceptions involving the matter.  Imagine you have a makeup pallet in front of you; within this pallet you have every choice you need to make you flawless and feel comfortable in your skin.  For some people, they see the pallet and know exactly what their perfect combination is. While others have to take their time to best find the colors that best define them. However, there are some cases where the person may pick the color scheme that they think others will like the most. Your sexual makeup works in a very similar fashion.

Our make up consists of four different aspects that all come together to make us who we are. First there is our biological sex, consisting of the chromosomes and body parts we are born with.  Then there is our gender. Our gender is who we believe ourselves to be whether it is male, female or a combination of the two.  It is a common misconception that gender and biological sex are one in the same.  This is not the case! The two are completely separate entities that add to your true combination of sexual makeup.  The other two parts of our sexual makeup are our sexual orientation (i.e. heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or asexual) and our social behaviors.  Our social behaviors consist of how we present our sexual makeup in the way that we talk, act, and dress.

When someone has a hard time figuring out their perfect combination that person could be going through something called 'gender dysphoria.' Gender dysphoria is a feeling that your biological sex does not match that of your gender. When someone acts upon their gender dysphoria and their social behaviors match that of the gender dysphoria it is then the individual could be classified as Transgender.  A transgender individual does NOT have to be a transsexual.  A transsexual is a transgender person who would like or has had the surgeries needed to alter their biological sex in order to match their gender.

Keep in mind a transgender person does not have a choice in how they feel.  No one can help how they feel about anything. Our feelings are the beauty of who we are. They are what help us to shine as individuals. People have two options in life - be who you truly are and let your beauty shine outward or be who you think others want you to be and be miserable in your own skin. 

Katie's journey is just beginning. My next blog will concentrate on Alexander and the slow realization of who he is truly meant to be.  So help me in supporting this strong woman to let her true colors shine and her happiness radiate!

Grasping for a lost art...

I'm a people watcher.  I find myself constantly watching others every where I go.  Let me be clear, I am in no way creating judgments or opinions about these people but more so wondering about them.  What has brought them to this location today? I watch how they interact with others and can usually pinpoint their basic demeanor by just watching their stances while waiting in line.  During my time people watching I have come to notice something that has become a lost art. Respect.  I have not only witnessed this lost art in public but also in social media.  We as a culture have lost the general art of being respectful to others and ourselves.
In fact, we are so surprised when we see others practicing Respect that we praise that individual for something that we should be doing everyday and rightfully so respect and even tolerance have become lost in our ever growing selfish society. We can praise the individual as much as we want but how about we take a chapter from their book and bring back this lost art. 
This lose of respect and tolerance for others was especially brought to my attention during our recent Government Shutdown.  During this time I witnessed the complete and utter lack of respect and tolerance for others opinions. Since when did we get to a point where we feel the need to disrespect the opinions of others? Part of the beauty of America is our freedom of speech which extends to all viewpoints. How about instead of degrading others viewpoints we recognize that as Americans we have to right to have and express these viewpoints.  We are a melting pot not one-way street.
This was just one example of how respect and tolerance have been lost in our society. Between the blatant lack of tolerance for different religions and lack of respect for others that we sometimes display on our social media pages; its amazing that Americans in general haven't been deemed as intolerant or even hateful in some regards.  I'm not saying that we are all like this. I still believe that it is human nature to be kind. However, we all have our moments and this is a trend that I have been witnessing with increasing occurrence in recent years.
So let's, as a society, bring back our P's and Q's when a stranger holds open the door for us or try to be on time to our appointments more often (I'm very guilty of this). Bring back listening skills and tone down our sometimes disrespectful natures in regards to other viewpoints and celebrate that we have the right to disagree with one another. After all without our freedom of speech and religion our society would be no different than most others.  Our freedoms are what separate us; they are what make us the best and in practicing Respect for others it has the power to create a much happier society. In a way Respect is Power.

Take Notice and Pay Tribute

Two Thousand Nine Hundred Seventy-Seven.  That's the number of American lives that were lost during the September 11, 2001 attacks (I refuse to include the 19 hijackers).  Every year around this time we see posts, banners, articles, you name it reminding us to 'Never Forget'.  To never forget what happened on that tragically fateful day.  But why do we only see these things and pay tribute one day a year.  How come it seems as though we are proud to be Americans only a couple of times a year - July 4, September 11, December 7 and every 4 (2) years during the Olympics. Why aren't we proclaiming our American pride 365 days a year?  Truthfully, I don't have an answer for that question. All I know is sometimes it takes something big (good or bad) to make us realize what blessings surround us.  So why wait for something big.  Lets be loud and proud to be Americans everyday because we have men and women fighting for what our founding fathers sacrificed everything for - Freedom.

For many of us fellow Americans we remember September 11 on occasion; usually when there are conversations involving terrorists.  It's not an event that plagues us daily or sometimes even months pass before there is a reminder of the events that occurred that day.  There may have been 2,977 lives lost but there are thousands more who are influenced by those events on a daily basis. The families that had to find the strength to persevere and redefine their lives. The Mothers and Fathers who were tragically turned into single parents in an instant.  The children who were stripped of their childhood and forced to grow up in the course of a couple hours. The turmoil that will forever haunt the memories of those directly affected on a daily basis. I know that EVERY American was affected that day, but those are the ones who are affected everyday.

Don't get me wrong the lives that were lost should always be remembered and the men and women who risked their lives in order to save the people trapped should forever be honored.  However, the families of the people who never came home that day those are the people we should pay tribute to.  Those families are the ones who truly had to pick up the pieces of their lives and reconstruct themselves.

So today I pay homage to the American public that will Never Forget.  I remember the lives that were lost.  I honor the heroes especially our military for serving and protecting our Nation voluntarily. But most of all I pay tribute to the families who, 12 years later, have rediscovered themselves, created a new life and who really don't EVER forget.

Connections in the Art

They say the Arts are a dying craft. They cut them in schools and deprive the next generation of creative inspiration, some students find their art or music classes their only form of release for the day.  The only way they can express themselves in a non-imposing environment.  I know my brother and myself were that way. But in reality they are depriving the students of connections. Connections that can only be formed in an artistic way. 

 If you attend an art festival is it filled to the brim with people connecting on all sorts of levels.  Think about it every piece of art sold is really a connection.  It is a connection between the artist and the buyer. Those two people saw something in the piece and because of that they have formed a bond.  For that brief moment, they were connected by art. The buyer is essentially saying to the artist, "Hey, this is speaking to me. I really understand what you were thinking while creating this piece." 

This connection does not only apply to paintings and drawings; it applies to every type of art.  A piece of handmade jewelry that catches your eye from across the room (happens to me a lot), a sculpture that you can easily picture on your end table, a song on the radio that immediately produces an emotional reaction of some sort, even a poem that brings back your past. Every type of art derives a connection for that moment, no matter how long or brief, you and the artist are connected.  If you are buying the piece from the creator or in a coffee shop listening to the artist live you may have a moment with that person.  In that moment you will lock eyes with the piece (or maybe actually lock eyes with the artist) and you both just get it.  It will be brief, just a moment of - I get you, I understand this totally. I hear people say all the time ' I feel as though this was created specifically for me'  well you know, it's quite possible that it was. Maybe every piece of art is created for a specific person as though fate brings us to our Art.  The artist isn't sure who the piece is being made for but it is always created for someone. Someone who is/ has experienced the emotion that is behind the work and will truly appreciate the Art for what is it. 

Boredom

When I was younger and my brother and I would say we were bored my Mother would always respond with, "People who are bored are boring.". Well 20 years or so later I have to agree.  I am constantly hearing people talk about how bored they are.  Really? In this day and age when social media is continually on the rise and at our fingertips. How can one ever be bored with smartphones, nooks, iPads, video game players, etc, etc. All these things that are right at our very fingertips constantly and yet you can't fill your time with any of those?  Since when did the human race become dependent on constant stimulation? Have you ever considered that maybe we have become a world of overstimulation.  How could we not be? With the constant need to be in contact with other people via social media or to be constantly entertained with apps on our phones or videos that we find on YouTube.  Don't get me wrong, I partake in all of these things listed but I also am never bored.  It is very seldom that I will declare boredom. 

 I tend to agree with my mother people who are bored are indeed boring. How is it that you can't find something to fill your time? I mean good lord there are hundreds of thousands of things to do out there and you're telling me you have to seek out someone else in order to successfully not be bored? Whatever happened to alone time? Do we live in an age where we can't be alone? Where we can't find peace in our own company? I'm not saying we need to be alone all the time but it is very healthy to have down time to yourself.  Maybe write a letter to a loved one or just listen to some music while collecting your thoughts.

I hate to think that the future of our society is going to be in the hands of a generation that can't find things to fill their time when they literally have the world at their fingertips.  Sometimes the best way to discover the world is to just set it down and look at it from a distance. Really soak it in get out there. Put down our electronics and soak in the beauty that surrounds us.  For if you truly open your eyes to all that surrounds us -you could never claim boredom.