Almost 4 years ago I lost the first man I ever loved, my father. When I think back on the week before his passing, it replays hauntingly in my mind. I remember standing in the hallway of the care center staring at my sisters, who were wheeling him in from being outside. My thoughts were running wild, "This is not my life. This can't be happening. That is not my father, this is all just a terrible dream. I'm too young for this." I would catch myself staring blankly at a wall while sitting next to him. It was as though my life was movie, with my eyes as the projector and the wall was its screen. I remember trying to remain composed while my entire life as I knew it was changing. I would never be thing be same person I was before my dad died, in fact, I would be better because I had witnessed life. Life as it could be lived and, more importantly, life as it had the potential to be lived.
Periodically, I would sit outside of the care center and gaze upon the beautiful Kentucky hills, the Ohio river, and the radiantly cascading blue sky. It was during that week that, for the first time in my life, my eyes were truly open. Never had I ever experienced a sky so blue with clouds so iridescent. Had it always been that way and I just never took the time to notice? Or was my inner emotional turmoil being spun outward into a positive light? Honestly, I have no idea which one it was, but I do know the sky has never stopped looking so magnificent. As the years have passed by I have noticed that on my worst days the sky is the most beautiful.
As I have learned throughout the years, silver linings will be hidden in every tragedy you face. You can either find it and cherish the moment or ignore it and remain bitter. Personally, I relish in silver linings, without them I wouldn't be whom I am today, not even a fraction of the person I am. To me silver linings are God's way of saying, "I know that I'm taking something you love dearly away from you, but I'm giving you this gift in return."
